What is BDSM? 

BDSM is an acronym for: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Different practices may include: 

• Using restraints
• Roleplay
• Wax play
• Impact play/spanking
• Pain play

How can BDSM be used as a couple?

BDSM can be used as a method to deeply explore different dynamics in a relationship between two people, such as power, control and trust. As sexual exploration becomes less taboo, we are beginning to see increased studies into the benefits of BDSM and how it can improve relationships. For example, recent studies show that it can help to reduce stress and anxiety levels [1].

What are the benefits that we can experience by using BDSM in our relationship?

Trust

Couples may begin to experiment with BDSM as a way to build trust in their relationship. It can be used as a unique tool where two people learn to push their boundaries together. 

Before you begin, you will need to discuss what you both want out of the experience, and which roles you wish to play. For instance, one of you may wish to take the dominant role to start with, if the other person is comfortable to be the submissive. Communicating and empathising with each other at this stage is key. You may also wish to introduce safe words, where you can trust each others boundaries.

When you begin to explore BDSM, you will experience being vulnerable with each other. If you chose to use toys such as restraints, you will naturally begin to build trust with each other, where boundaries are learned and respected. 

"BDSM is Used as a Method to Build Trust." 

Communication

Before experimenting with BDSM, you will need to communicate to your partner what you want from the experience, and where your boundaries are. You will also need to understand your partners desires and boundaries, as a two way communication. This will need to be remembered and respected throughout the experience together.

Boundaries include safe words, where you both identify and learn the distinction between "serious" and “play”.

Not only will you begin to improve your communication levels on a verbal way, but you may begin to learn new physical levels of communication such as body language.

Reduced Stress

Studies have found that stress levels tend to decrease when engaging in BDSM activities [2]. Specifically, research has found that with couples engaging in submissive and dominant BDSM roles consistently had lower levels of cortisol after engaging in bondage compared to before. Cortisol is the primary stress hormone. Lower cortisol levels protect us from a wide range of health issues, such as high blood pressure and suppressed immunity.

Lower levels of stress may be attributed to BDSM's nature of experiencing physical intensity, whilst letting go of individual judgment and anxiety in sexuality.

References:

[1] Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study (source: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-45384-001)

[2]  Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners (source: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12192)